As You Wish
by The Kerl
Summary: "All he ever did was repeat those meaningless words, over and over again, thinking that she would catch on. People need things spelled out for them – saying 'I love you' is the only way to get your point across." One-shot team reaction to an epic movie.


The last few times I watched _The Princess Bride_, I kept thinking about how Sam _always_ calls Jack 'sir', no matter what. So, I wrote this story. I know that there have been other stories using both PB and Stargate, but in my defense I hadn't read any of those when I started writing this. Oh, and for those of you who haven't read the book, I've included an excerpt. And you should read it. I mean, Buttercup confesses her love to Westley, he slams the door in her face, and then she cries and runs smack into a tree… What a great book…

Oh, and later on I have direct quotes from the movie, so those are also not mine.

The Kerl~

* * *

"**If you're teasing me, Westley, I'm just going to kill you."**

"**How can you even dream I might be teasing?"**

"**Well, you haven't once said you loved me."**

"**That's all you need? Easy. I love you. Okay? Want it louder? **_**I love you**_**. Spell it out, should I? I ell-oh-vee-ee why-oh-you. Want it backward? You love I."**

"**You are teasing me now, aren't you?"**

"**A little maybe; I've been saying it so long to you, you just wouldn't listen. Every time you said 'Farm Boy do this' you thought I was answering 'As you wish' but that's only because you were hearing it wrong. 'I love you' was what it was. But you never heard, and you never heard."**

**The Princess Bride****, by William Goldman

* * *

**

**As You Wish  
**

Sam waved to the retreating form of her father as he stepped through the gate. The team was assembled in the gateroom to see him off, and she could not have been happier to see him go. The looks he kept giving her around a certain team member were unnerving.

Jack shook his head, thoroughly displeased by Teal'c's complete and utter failure to assimilate into Earth culture. _Thank God Jacob brought it up before he left._ "Teal'c! How have you lived on our fair planet for nearly four years and still not seen _The Princess Bride_? I mean, it's only the epitome of epic. It's got fencing, fighting, torture – you know what, that's it – team movie night. Beer and pizza at nineteen-hundred, my place."

"Your place? Why not Daniel's?" Daniel was waving his arms in an 'X' flag pattern, signaling that he didn't want the party (and consequentially the inevitable mess) anywhere near his building. Sam grinned maliciously as she remembered the last movie night, when Daniel had half a beer and barfed all over her pretty white couch. _Payback's a bitch, buddy boy,_ she thought. _Oh no – I didn't just call him 'Buddy Boy,' did I? It's happening again…_ Recently her inner voice had begun using what she privately called "O'Neillisms," which she took to be a bad sign. A very bad sign.

Teal'c cracked a grin. His smiles didn't catch everyone off guard as much as they used to, but genuinely smiling was still a rare occurrence for the big guy. "I believe that O'Neill's television is superior to Daniel Jackson's."

"Darn straight! And I love the fighting in Dolby. Makes it feel like you're there, ya' know?" Jack was so excited, he doubted he would get any paperwork done that day. Not that he ever really did paperwork anyways, but only Hammond cared about that.

Sam shook her head. "I've been in enough scuffles to know what it feels like to be there, sir. Honestly, I think it's somewhat morbid to actually _want_ to be in the middle of something we don't have to be in."

Daniel cocked his head and shot her a questioning look. "Then why are you working here?"

"Good point." They headed their separate ways for the day, eager for the weekend break. There were no scheduled missions so they had time to play catch-up on projects they'd neglected over the past month. Sam wasn't working on any of the 'meaning of life stuff' that Daniel claimed to be working on, but she was trying to come up with some fun toys to play with.

Her desk was covered by pages and pages of model sketches and extensive calculations by the time the colonel waltzed through her door to pay her a visit. She pretended to ignore him like always, even though they both knew how acutely aware she was of his presence. In the beginning she wasn't sure why he liked to loiter around her lab so much. Her initial suspicion was that he'd been trying to intimidate her out of the program. Now she knew better. He leaned against her bench and coughed, pretending to try and catch her attention. It was a silly game they played, but it was their game and no one played better than those two. "Carter! Whatcha workin' on? I hope it's a –"

"It's not a space gun."

"It's not a space gun, _sir_. And whaddya mean it's not a space gun? It looks like a space gun."

Sometimes he was just so predictable. Sam could usually guess what he would say before he opened his mouth. His eyes gave away too much, and when he hid his smile behind a cup of repulsive mess coffee, she knew he was simply toying with her. Instead of giving in to her impulse to chuck a calculator at him, she checked herself and gave him a dose of his own humor. _He _said_ he wanted to know what I was working on._ Nothing irked Jack more than 'techno-babble,' as he called it."Well, _sir_, it's not a space gun in the sense that it's not a weapon. This is a device I've been working on for Daniel for the past few months, but it's been on the back burner lately because I've had too much to do. This, uh, 'trigger' here will send out a high-powered ultrasonic wave that I believe should penetrate at least 150 feet of solid lead. That means that it should be able to detect naquadah miles beneath the surface, assuming that we aren't trying to look through any high-density minerals. Right now I'm adjusting the frequency of the monitor so that – ."

"Ah-ah-ah! You win – I stopped paying attention when you said 'trigger'. It's a rather distracting word." That shit-eating grin on his face made her gulp nervously. She finally blinked once she realized her eyes were stuck wide-open. Convulsively she rubbed her suddenly sweaty hands on the legs of her BDU's. _He may say I won that round, but we both knew he got the better of me with _that_._

He waved a hand in circles between them as a signal for her to give him the short version. She smirked and summed up her explanation. "Basically, sir, it's a detector for underground ring platforms."

He made his way over to her workbench and picked up the long, tubular device she'd been welding. Luckily he picked up the cool end. He looked down the shaft of the sensor, inspecting her work. "I thought our handheld sensors picked up those kinds of readings."

"Yes sir, they do, but I'm talking about _deep_ underground. Like, caverns hundreds of feet below the surface." So far all the stupid thing did was emit a low beeping sound whenever it picked up trace amounts of naquadah, which was also still present in her bloodstream. The thing beeped any time she came near it, but she wouldn't tell Jack that. She had only succeeded in creating the most sophisticated (and glitchy) metal detector in the world. _Take that, ACME_. "The plan is to integrate it into some Tok'Ra ships. They aren't the only ones living underground, sir."

He shuddered, clutching his mug of coffee close to him so he wouldn't spill. "Guh. They're like mole people. That's what they are," he mumbled. He put the device back where he found it, careful not to break anything.

"Sir? Did you want something?" Not that she didn't enjoy his visits, but they both knew why he was there and that he should leave. Soon. People would start talking, and that was the last thing they needed after that whole Za'Tarc mess. Daniel and Janet hadn't said anything, and they knew Teal'c would never tell, but it was still uncomfortable knowing they'd let the proverbial cat out of the bag. Now that it was more-or-less out in the open and making a nuisance of itself whenever their minds were altered, it was even harder to push the situation aside. _But if that instance told us anything, it was that we are good at masking our feelings._

She wasn't sure how much longer she could keep it up.

Jack pulled himself together and set his coffee on the work bench before animatedly clapping his hands, pushing his thoughts aside in the process. Sam envied his ability to do that. "Yes. I need to ask you for a favor?" It came out like a question, leaving her wondering if he was as in control as she though. "Well, Daniel said he's got some stuff to work on, so he's gonna bring Teal'c by later." _Oh, he's talking about movie night._ "I wanted to know – if you can get out early, that is – if –" _Oh no._

"Sir, I really don't think that –"

" – you would pick up the grub? I need to clean up a bit before…" Sam tried to internalize her relief that he wasn't asking her to come over early. Alone. This was getting ridiculous. Why would he ask her to do that? "You alright?" Her face was giving everything away and he was too observant for his own good. Or hers. _Who am I kidding? There is no way that I can keep pretending to ignore the tension between us_. She was going to have to commit a lot more effort toward this zero-partiality clause they'd been secretly working on.

He made to step closer to her, but she wouldn't have any of that. She waved her hand through the air in a dismissive manner. He had to leave. _Now._ "Everything's fine, sir. I think getting out of here early will do me some good. Want me to get the usual? Extra pepperonis and a chicken-anchovy for Teal'c?" _Just keep it together until he walks out that door. You can do it, Sam._

He nodded and started to leave. _Wait for it_. He paused at the doorway, hanging onto the frame and swinging back and forth. "Oh, and grab some breadsticks, too. Anchovy's can only do so much to satisfy Junior."

"Yes, sir," she whispered. And he was gone. The air in her lungs left in a _whoosh_, and she was glad to be alone. It was silly, she knew, to get worked up like that, but then it was downright insane to harbor feelings for her CO, too. Wasn't it? Who was it that said it was a fine line between genius and insanity? Whoever it was, she knew they were right. She checked her watch to figure out how much longer she could hide in the safety of her lab before she needed to leave. She had a good three hours, so she attacked her project with a renewed vigor, desperate to forget about her visitor and the tonight's impending activities.

Checking the clock in her car as she pulled into the colonel's driveway, Sam saw that it was 19:42. She was late. With the_ food_, of all things. The colonel was sure to confront her about that, and there was _no way_ she was going to tell him what had held her up at the pizza place. How to explain about the teen behind the counter making sexual innuendos about the breadsticks? Thankfully Daniel and Teal'c had already arrived, so she didn't have to worry about the awkward silence that was sure to ensue if she and Jack were alone in the same room together for the second time that day.

She watched the door warily as she crossed in front of the car to the opposite door to grab the food. She was forced to balance the pizzas on one arm and steady the stack with her chin, they were so big. Of course, no one offered to help until she reached the front door. _And Teal'c's pizza smells atrocious._

"Carter!" he barked in that knee-jellifyingly military voice of his. _Wait, 'knee-jellifyingly'? When did I invoke Cassie's vernacular into my vocabulary?_ Oh, right, the angry colonel. "Where _have_ you been? I thought Teal'c was going to demolish what's left of my coffee table! Give me those pizzas."

"Sorry sir, but I had trouble getting the breadsticks." He held the door open for her, leaving just enough space to slide past him into the entryway. "And just why is Teal'c eating the furniture?" She looked up and their eyes locked. It felt like her stomach was being sucked through a black hole. Tired of always being the one to blush and turn away from his gaze she didn't budge an inch, determined to make him back down for a change. The ridiculous dance between them had to end eventually, and she hoped for sanity's sake that it was sooner rather than later. _I'm Major Doctor Samantha Carter, for cryin' out loud!_ As soon as she thought the words, her eyes widened in shock. _Oh no! Since when did my inner rant voice become the colonel?_

She was in deeper shit than she thought.

Jack coughed and her head snapped back up from where she'd been staring at his chest. _His very muscular chest._ "Uh, I'm just gonna put theses in the kitchen. The guys are that way," he waved awkwardly before retreating to the kitchen. She smirked as she made her way to the sitting room, glad that she wasn't the one with her tail between her legs this time. She tried to quiet her growling stomach as it roared in protest of her moving away from dinner. That was when she discovered Daniel and Teal'c in the middle of a heated argument. They were sitting opposite each other and Teal'c was banging his fist on the coffee table before him like a caveman. Jack's voice echoed from the kitchen, "T! Don't make me come out there!" Sam stood there with the bag of drinks hanging from her limp fingers, shocked.

"Hey Sam," was all she got as a greeting from Daniel, but it was better than whatever Teal'c was doing by a long shot.

Teal'c registered Sam's presence and was back to his old, non-barbaric self, his posture more stiff than usual. "Major Carter," he said with a nod. "Daniel Jackson and I are in need of your insight at the moment." He shot a menacing glare at Daniel like the poor guy had killed a litter of kittens with a staff weapon in front of a bunch of kids. _What the hell's gotten into them?_

Daniel, oblivious of the fact that he was on the wrong end of a Jaffa death glare, nodded in agreement. "Yeah. Jack tried to help but he just made things worse." A disgruntled '_Hey!_' came from the kitchen.

"Alright…what's up?" From the way these two were behaving she wasn't sure that I wanted drug into the argument, but her curiosity got the better of her.

Daniel took a deep breath and repositioned his falling glasses before launching into explanation mode. If possible, Teal'c's brow furrowed even more. "OK. On the way over here Teal'c and I were talking about cartoons. _He_ thinks," Daniel spat, "that _Tom and Jerry_ is better than _The Flinstones_, which is clearly the most awesome cartoon ever. I mean, _Tom and Jerry_ is practically a silent film."

"But they do talk in some episodes. Tom sings to the lady cats."

"And then there was the bulldog with the kid – he talked." Jack appeared carry plates of pizza for each of them.

She grabbed her plate and sat down on the empty couch. "Oh, and then there was Jerry's nephew. He talked, too."

Daniel flailed his arms in the air before he sat back down. "Fine, but that still doesn't explain how it's a better cartoon." Jack sat down next to Sam on the couch, by this point too wrapped up in the debate to remember the awkward encounter at the door.

Teal'c took a large bite of his pizza before replying in a much calmer voice, "I believe that _Tom and Jerry_ teaches children a useful lesson. Tom is small, yet he remains the superior warrior."

"But that's encouraging violence in children!"

"Jaffa do not believe in sheltering children from the cruelties in life." Sam audibly agreed with Teal'c, which bothered Daniel to no end.

"But it's _The Flinstones_! It's archeology come to life!"

"Danny, even I know that the show's a sham. Dinosaurs and man weren't around at the same time. Right, Carter?"

"Right sir." No matter how he tried to dissuade her, Sam knew that Jack really was capable of intelligent thought. He simply didn't like people to know, so that they never came to him with questions. Life was easier if you were openly intelligent. "Although, now that we know that human life may have evolved elsewhere before it evolved on Earth, it _is_ possible that –"

"No! I was winning this argument," he hissed at her. "Besides, they yelled at me earlier when I told them they were both wrong."

"Oh really? What do you think is the best cartoon?"

Teal'c made an angry noise in his throat, and Daniel nearly threw his drink at her while his arms flailed again. Jack smirked at her before taking a swig of his beer. "Isn't it obvious?"

"We explained to O'Neill that _The Simpsons_ was not shown on Cartoon Network and was therefore not a valid alternative."

"Teal'c, I'm going to let that slide because you aren't from around here."

"Alright, what about _The Jetsons_? I've got the first few seasons on DVD and Cassie loves them."

"But that's basically the same thing! Fred Flinstone is just an early version of George Jetson, and half of the episodes were the same."

"HEY! Are we going to watch the movie, or are we just going to sit around arguing about out-dated children's shows? I mean, I can jump in with what I think about _Rocky and Bullwinkle_…"

Sam tossed her plate onto the coffee table and jumped up to put in the DVD. "Allow me, Fearless Leader." Daniel mumbled something about her having a terrible Russian accent, but she ignored him and went to grab another slice of pizza after she got the movie going. "Anyone care if I turn down the lights?" Jack was just pressing play on the DVD menu as she returned to her spot on the couch. That was when she realized just how small the couch was. _And it's dark. And we're watching_ this _movie. Why did I have to turn down the lights?_

* * *

_What was I thinking?_ It would have been easy enough to tell Teal'c to rent it for himself, but no, Jack had to make it a team thing. So there he was sitting next to his smokin' hot 2IC in a dimly lit room, hyped up on beer and pizza, about to watch one of his all-time favorite movies. And why were they watching the movie in the first place? Because his smokin' hot 2IC's dad mentioned the movie during his visit. And those oh-so-subtle looks he kept giving her earlier… Something was up, and his mind wouldn't let go of it. Did she tell him something? He knew about the Za'Tarc thing, but what about the whole Thera/Jonah thing? Did she tell him?

Teal'c's confused voice brought him back to the present. "I was unaware that this movie was for small children." He waved a hand at the old-school video game. This was strange, because Teal'c rarely spoke during movies.

"It isn't, Teal'c. This is a very macho, adult movie."

"Quiet, sir."

"Sorry!" Young Fred Savage was complaining to his mother when Jack zoned out again. He didn't like watching the little boy playing baseball, surrounded by baseball paraphernalia – it reminded him too much of Charlie. The boy and his mom were close, but where was the dad in all of this? His kid was sick – shouldn't he be there? _He's probably at his very important job, working for a better life for his family. He probably doesn't even know the kid is sick…_ A warm hand brushed Jack's, and his head whipped around to find Sam leaning slightly towards him. The glow from the TV let him to see her mouthing a question. _'I'm fine'_ he mouthed back, hopeful that neither Daniel or Teal'c witnessed the exchange. He shook himself and refocused on the movie. The grandfather was there, so the good stuff would be starting soon.

Sam did not pull her hand away from his. His tightly controlled facial expression relaxed, allowing a slight upturn of the lips. Sam noticed his expression change but did not comment.

Once the grandfather began his monologue about Buttercup and Westley, both Sam and Jack began to grow uncomfortable. Once again, the movie hit too close to home. Sam broke the silence. "Ha, a man that actually does what he's told. As if."

Jack pulled his hand away at the same time Sam did in a smooth maneuver no one else would have caught. "For cryin' out loud, Carter! Just watch the movie!"

'_**But what if I never see you again?'**_ _Nope, not time yet, keep talking Sam. _"_Sir_, I highly doubt that you would be a woman's slave like that. He's totally whipped."

Cough. "Well, I, no…but Daniel was a woman's slave."

"Jack!" he spluttered. "You said that you weren't going to bring that up anymore!"

"I know," he smirked. "I lied."

'_**Is this a kissing book?'**_Everyone but Teal'c laughed at the familiar line. They finally settled in to watch the movie. For a few more minutes, anyways.

"The shrieking eels are symbiotes! C'mon, they sound just like 'em."

"Did humans really do battle with swords? It seems highly ineffective."

"Well it's not like humans had machine guns in the Bronze Age."

"Nope. They just had large rocks. Much more effective at killing, but not in maiming."

"I could work on a modern trebuchet, sir."

"He had the knife at her ear instead of her throat. Smooth."

"See Daniel, I don't know why you like Aristotle so much. Fezzini says he's a moron."

'_**What in the world can that be?'**_

"I imagine that Jack's mind works like Fezzini's. He has all of this logic, but then pulls a 'what the hell is that?' stunt to distract people."

"Hey! My stunts always work."

"Sir?"

"Almost always."

"He is right about Asia, though. Never works."

'_**The poison was in your cup all the time.'**_

"And there's Carter, working out the trick instead of thanking the poor guy for rescuing her."

"So, what, I'm Buttercup and you're Fezzini?"

'_**You admit to me you do not love your pig fiancé?'**_

"Indeed." Teal'c's tone quieted the others, though Jack refused to believe he was the Sicilian. Clearly, he was Westley. Sam could be the dumb blonde if she wanted. _No, no, stop it right there, buddy-boy. No thinking about Carter like that. She's not dumb, and she's off-limits._

Just as Sam began thinking that her reunion with Jack after he came back from Edora should have gone like that – maybe without the rolling into the ravine part – Jack fell into a coughing fit. He reached for his beer to clear his burning throat, but it was too late. The way he avoided eye contact with her he was enough to tell her he'd been thinking the same thing.

'_**I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts.'**_

"This is my favorite part," whispered Sam.

"Huh? Why?"

"I don't know. I always liked the Fire Swamp – it was…alien…"

"Daniel Jackson, what is that creature?"

"Wait for it…"

'_**Westley, what about the R.O.U.S's?'**_

'_**Rodents of Unusual Size? I don't think they exist.'**_

The creature leapt at Westley and Sam jumped in her seat. "That thing always freaks me out."

"Do such creatures exist?"

"Nope."

"Well, there were similar animals in prehistoric times. There was this beaver-thing that was as big as a house, and –"

"Carter?"

"Sorry sir."

'_**You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.'**_

"I don't know guys, Westley's inappropriate timing for his comments has 'Jack' written all over it."

"Well in that case, I get to pick my Buttercup."

"Steenburgen?"

"Of course. Who else is there?" Everyone laughed, but Sam silently wondered why he liked the actress so much. _I mean, Sara was blonde, and I'm blonde…Oh hold up there Samantha – no comparing yourself to the colonel's ex-wife._

"That old woman should have met Hathor."

"Hathor? She would have killed her."

"I know, but it would have been funny."

"Tyrone Rugen? What kind of a name is that?"

"Seriously, I've been tortured a lot, but Teal'c, have you ever been tortured by suction cups? I can't say I have."

"I have not, O'Neill."

'_**I am waiting for Fezzini…'**_

"Well if I'm Westley, Daniel is Inigo."

"I don't follow, sir."

"You remember that one time Daniel got drunk?"

"I thought we were going to forget about that, too?"

"Haha, you're right. Sorry Daniel."

"I don't think so. If anyone, Teal'c is Inigo."

"I do not indulge."

"No, but you have that whole Jaffa revenge thing going on."

"Fine, but then Daniel is Miracle Max."

"Who is Miracle Max?"

Westley was screaming and everyone paused to listen. They each lost themselves in the painful memories of their own Ultimate Sufferings, though Teal'c at least had the decency to keep up his poker face.

"Miracle Max is not like the Nox."

"No he isn't. And how exactly am I like that guy?"

"Well, he's crazy and was banished from the castle. Isn't that what happened to you?"

"You are, I suppose, referencing the fact that the archeological community thought I went cuckoo for pyramids and practically banned me from conferences."

'_**My brains, his steel, and your strength against 60 men and you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy? Hmmmm?'**_

"Oh yeah, all Jack."

"Yeah, well I would have had some C-4 and a gun on my person, so I wouldn't have been _that_ sarcastic."

The organ began to play and Daniel shifted in his chair. "No quoting the priest Jack."

"D'oh."

"Wait, we left out Humperdink and Fezzik. Who are they?"

"Siler is Fezzik."

No comment.

"And Prince Humperdink?"

"Kinsey, obviously."

"Woah woah woah, I'm engaged to _Kinsey_?"

"You were not in your right mind because of your grief over O'Neill's murder at sea." Teal'c raised an eyebrow, daring anyone to argue with him. Sam and Jack both looked away and Daniel shrugged. Satisfied that no one would speak for some time, Teal'c turned back to the movie.

Jack began to squirm when Buttercup threw herself onto the bed…on top of Westley. "Hey, that actually happened once." Sam blushed and turned towards him. Daniel reached for the remote and paused the movie for the first time since they began watching it. Teal'c's smile grew wider, pleased that he wasn't the only one thinking along those lines. "What? Why'd you pause it?"

"Uh, Jack…" Daniel did not want to implicate his teammates, but he was surprised that he'd never heard about this incident before. He usually picked up on stuff like that.

"What did you mean, O'Neill, when you said that you have experienced that situation before?"

"Huh? Oh, I just meant Carter jumped on top of me when I was half-dead. It hurt." Sam sat there on the couch open-mouthed. She couldn't believe he said that. "You don't remember?" Teal'c continued to smile while Daniel laughed in discomfort. This was awkward.

She shook her head. "Sir, I – "

"Yeah, when the gate sent us to Antarctica and I got all banged up. I've got like four broken ribs and I wake up to find you on top of me. Don't make that face, Major. I'm tellin' ya Daniel, I had to order her off of me because I couldn't breathe."

"Colonel, I was trying to keep you warm so you didn't _die._"

Pause. "Oh, right."

A longer pause. "What did you think I was doing?"

"Well you were getting rather comfortable…"

"Because I needed to stay warm too! We were in Antarctica, for crying out loud! Daniel, let's just finish the movie."

"Right Sam, think what you want," Jack drawled, shocking everyone with his use of her first name. Jack pretended like he didn't catch his slip up, but inside he was blushing and cringing like a teenage boy caught 'stretching' at the movies. You know what I mean. Daniel coughed and fumbled with the remote. Hopefully everyone would just forget about it.

She didn't. "Sir? What exactly are you saying?" She said it in a joking manner, but the men caught the undertone. Teal'c checked the clock on the DVD player to see how much time was left in the movie, how much time was left before he could _leave_…

"Guys, I'm hitting the play button now."

Maybe some fun before he left. "I believe O'Neill means to say that you may think what you want, and he will think what he wants." Teal'c smirked, again, as Jack spewed beer all over himself and his end of the couch. "Is that not correct O'Neill?"

_**Gently, gently…GENTLY! Umph.**_

"I – I… Yes. I mean no. I mean... GAH! Let's just finish the movie."

As soon as the credits began to roll and that mystery guy with the really deep voice started singing, Jack leapt from the couch to turn the lights on. "So, T, how'dya like it?"

"I am not sure that I was able to follow the movie, as you talked through most of it." Daniel giggled and started picking up the room. "I do see how it would appeal to you, though."

That was when Daniel got a brilliant idea – so brilliant that he trod upon a wayward bottle, crunching the glass with a socked foot. _This wasn't what I had in mind, but it will work_. The thought passed through his mind a few milliseconds before a much louder, succinct expletive boomed from his mouth. "SHIT!" The others didn't know what to do – help the poor guy, or stand around and wonder at his sudden potty mouth. "Aaah! God! A little help here? Ow! Someone? AH! Anyone?"

He fell back into his chair, clutching his injured foot. Teal'c made his way to Daniel's side, sidestepping the bottles he'd dropped after injuring himself. He picked him up and began carrying him to the door. "Allow me to assist you to the hospital, Daniel Jackson," he said in his very best Superman voice. _The guy certainly has a thing for dramatics_. But then that's what Sam got for introducing him to Dean Cain.

Before Jack even realized what had happened he found that he was alone with Sam. In his house. After watching _that_ movie. And Jacob! What was that all about? He took a step forward, crunching glass beneath his boot. He sighed and prayed there was a broom in the closet.

Sam watched him leave the room, thinking about what her father had said earlier. _"Say what you want about the Tok'Ra, but for the most part they've got things figured out. Maybe it's just a human thing – we lie to ourselves too much. Remember that movie we used to watch all the time when you were growin' up? _The Princess Bride_? I mean, I never understood why Westley never manned up and talked to Buttercup. All he ever did was repeat those meaningless words, over and over again, thinking that she would catch on. People need things spelled out for them – saying 'I love you' is the only way to get your point across."_

He was right. Human conversations were so full of duplicity and double meanings that Sam wanted to scream.

Jack returned with a fraying broom and dustpan. Sam was frozen on her feet in the center of the room. "Uhhh, Carter? Wanna help me clean this up?" His voice was deeper and huskier than he'd intended it to be, but he'd had a long day. Yeah, that was it. Sam turned around met his gaze with an emotion that he'd never seen in her before.

"Of course, sir."

If Buttercup could catch on, then maybe Jack would. Some day.

* * *

**Hope it made you laugh!**


End file.
